DIY Conversion kit assembly instructions

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Disclaimer: This document is for entertainment and parody purposes only. Do not attempt this in real life. The use of public transport infrastructure without authorization is illegal.

1. Ensure your vehicle is parked on a level surface.
2. Engage the parking brake.
3. Disconnect the negative terminal from the car battery.
4. Jack the car up and secure it with jack stands.
5. Remove the front wheels using a lug wrench.
6. Clean the undercarriage and exposed chassis rails.
7. Locate primary chassis support rails.
8. Mark the proposed mounting points with chalk.
9. Measure the distance between rails for bracket alignment.
10. Place alignment template on each side.
11. Use a center punch to mark bolt holes.
12. Drill pilot holes (4mm) into marked positions.
13. Step up to 10mm drill bit for final bolt holes.
14. Clean burrs and filings from holes.
15. Apply rust-inhibitor primer to exposed metal.
16. Align roller bracket with drilled holes.
17. Insert M10 bolts with flat washers.
18. Place locking washers and nuts on inside.
19. Hand-tighten bolts.
20. Use torque wrench to tighten to 45 Nm.
21. Verify bracket is flush against chassis.
22. Test bracket movement for play — should be none.
23. Mount side support strut to bracket.
24. Use pivot joint to allow height flexibility.
25. Bolt strut to inner fender support.
26. Secure with nyloc nuts.
27. Mount lower guide roller to the main bracket.
28. Insert roller axle pin through bearing.
29. Lock with cotter pin.
30. Spin roller — should rotate freely.
31. Align upper roller with lower support.
32. Install return spring mechanism.
33. Ensure both rollers rotate independently.
34. Repeat entire process on opposite side.
35. Measure distance between left and right roller centers.
36. Confirm parallelism.
37. Adjust brackets with slotted holes if needed.
38. Torque all side bolts again.
39. Route cable from spring mechanism to cabin lever.
40. Mount lever beside driver’s seat.
41. Label lever “ROLLER DEPLOY.”
42. Route cable under carpet using zip ties.
43. Drill 6mm firewall hole with grommet for entry.
44. Pass cable through to undercarriage.
45. Connect cable to tension spring pulley.
46. Test lever — roller should raise and lower.
47. Recheck cable slack.
48. Adjust pulley resistance with tension bolt.
49. Install splash guards around roller assembly.
50. Mount rubber dust boot over bracket mount.
51. Paint exposed metal to match undercarriage.
52. Inspect for clearance with steering components.
53. Reinstall wheels.
54. Lower car off jack stands.
55. Reconnect negative battery terminal.
56. Start engine and check for abnormal noise.
57. Move steering side to side.
58. Ensure rollers do not interfere.
59. Slowly drive forward 1 meter.
60. Engage roller lever.
61. Rollers should make contact.
62. Drive slowly in roller mode.
63. Test at walking pace.
64. Stop and check roller wear pattern.
65. Adjust alignment if uneven.
66. Tighten everything again.
67. Install underbody camera (optional).
68. Paint rollers red for extra bogan points.
69. Add sticker: “Guided Weapon.”
70. Apply Loctite to all major bolts.
71. Recheck torque on pivot joints.
72. Ride height adjustment optional.
73. Install dummy bus mirror for memes.
74. Zip tie loose wires.
75. Add LED strip to bracket edge.
76. Secure wiring to body.
77. Add 12V switch inside cabin.
78. Connect switch to roller LEDs.
79. Add novelty soundboard (train horn).
80. Mount horn under hood.
81. Connect horn to roller lever.
82. Test deployment with horn.
83. Recheck spring tension.
84. Add grease to roller bearings.
85. Spin rollers again.
86. Remove debris from undercarriage.
87. Test on gravel driveway (don’t actually).
88. Take pics for the gram.
89. Make sure lighting’s good.
90. Check tire clearance.
91. Do a small burnout (optional).
92. Roll slow into parking spot.
93. Practice quick deploy.
94. Deploy at servo to assert dominance.
95. Confirm no parts fell off.
96. Confirm both rollers track evenly.
97. Mark calibration points.
98. Take note of maintenance schedule.
99. Re-grease every 200km.
100. Spray paint alignment marks.
101. Secure nut covers.
102. Install GoPro mount to bracket.
103. Add "O-Bahn or No Bahn" plate frame.
104. Re-check all bolts — again.
105. Add air deflector plate.
106. Recheck ground clearance.
107. Take roller off temporarily.
108. Reinstall after inspection.
109. Drive test at slow speed.
110. Deploy rollers mid-drive.
111. Record footage.
112. Create parody tutorial video.
113. Add exaggerated sound effects.
114. Narrate in thick accent.
115. Upload to YouTube.
116. Add warning label: “Definitely Illegal.”
117. Host info night at pub.
118. Discuss mod with strangers.
119. Add V8 badge even if car isn’t.
120. Print user manual (1 copy).
121. Frame it.
122. Pose next to finished roller kit.
123. Don hi-vis vest.
124. Take thumbnail pic.
125. Post on r/Adelaide.
126. Reapply grease after post goes viral.
127. Don’t drive on O-Bahn (seriously).
128. Sit back and admire the most useless thing you’ve ever bolted to a car.